| Name | Kramer |
|---|---|
| Rank | Corporal |
| Feature | Incredibly confusing |
| Anecdote | Sworn to secrecy about a coverup |
Generate soldiers
| Name | Suzuki |
|---|---|
| Rank | Captain |
| Feature | Dissociating |
| Anecdote | Current fad is a CIA psyop |
| Name | Johnson |
|---|---|
| Rank | General |
| Feature | Lack of forethought |
| Anecdote | Quaalude experiences |
| Name | Gill |
|---|---|
| Rank | Corporal |
| Feature | Knuckle tattoos |
| Anecdote | Wrote a book |
| Name | Mohammed |
|---|---|
| Rank | General |
| Feature | No indoor voice |
| Anecdote | Bad comedy routine |